ME WORDS

DO IT #1-ISH

I AM GOING TO TRY HARDER TO DO THINGS ON MY,  DO IT LIST.

ONE THING IS VISIT NEW YORK CITY.

THAT IS JUST GOING TO TAKE MONEY

THE ONE THING THAT WILL TAKE WORK AND A LOT OF MONEY. IS A TRIP TO EUROPE.

FIRST WE NEED PASSPORTS.  I GUESS THEY ARE AROUND $200 PLUS WHATEVER THE PHOTO COSTS.. TIMES 2 = MORE THAN WE CAN AFFORD.

SO EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO WILL TAKE MONEY.

SO FIRST I NEED TO  MAKE SOME MONEY

GET PASSPORTS AND GO FROM THERE.

I WILL DO THIS.  I HAVE NO IDEA HOW,

 BUT I HAVE TO.

 HEY I HAVE NOT POSTED ANYTHING IN AWHILE.  IT TOOK ME AWHILE TO DO THIS TODAY...BUT IT IS HERE NOW.. WARTS AND ALL!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ?

 i have no idea when i wrote this..i found it saved but not put out there...so i thought I'd post it.  this isn't me right now though.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING HERE TODAY
I LIE

I AM BUSY BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE I AM CHEATING
DOING WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY
BUT I AM NOT BRINGING IN AN INCOME

I AM TRYING TO NOT FORCE THINGS AND LET THINGS PLAY OUT

I AM NOT BEING LAZY
AFTER 4 YEARS OF NO LIFE I HAVE A LOT OF CLUTTER
TO CLEAN OUT

LITERALLY AND NOT

I DIDN'T CHANGE THE COLOR
WHAT-EVER

 g..
HE TAUGHT ME ABOUT FEAR
I GUESS FEAR IS FEAR
BUT WHAT IS ON MY MIND IS PHOBIC KIND OF FEAR
I'VE BEEN OVER PROTECTED KIND OF FEAR
I WON'T LET IT STOP ME BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY

NO ONE HAS ANY IDEA HOW SHELTERED AND OVER PROTECTED I AM

I HAVE THINGS I WANT TO DO LIKE GO TO NYC THAT SCARES ME
IT IS NOT THAT SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN TO ME
IT IS THAT I'LL GET IN A SITUATION..LOST..W/O MONEY
ANYTHING I CAN'T HANDLE OR KNOW HOW TO GET OUT OF

THIS IS WAY TOO GABBY AND ICKY
BARFOLA..LATER..

Flowers

SOME LOVE TO MARK

THIS IS WHO I USED TO BE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9sRFrNodgM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJgeQUxP5Is

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUW07Kvmpn8

LAST NIGHT I WENT TO BED WITH MARK BECAUSE HE WAS TIRED.  I WASN'T.  I LAID THERE FOR AWHILE AND CONSIDERED GETTING UP AND SLEEPING ON THE SOFA.

WHICH REMINDED ME OF THE YEARS,YEARS I COULD NOT SLEEP IN THE BED.   NOW IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING SERIOUS TO TAKE ME OUT OF OUR BED.

IT GOT ME THINKING ABOUT HIM .  IT IS NOT THAT I NEVER DID THINK ABOUT WHAT HE WENT THROUGH.  I JUST SEE MORE OF THE BEFORE AND AFTER AND I FEEL FOR HIM.   HOW MUST HE HAVE FELT.  HE WAS THERE EVERY NIGHT WITHOUT ME. HE HEARD ME SICK  EVERY NIGHT.  HE COULD DO NOTHING.  HE HAD TO LAY THERE AND WONDER IF HE WAS GOING TO LOSE ME.   EVEN NOW WHEN I STRUGGLE HE WORRIES.  HE SPENT NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT WITHOUT ME NEXT TO HIM AND ALONE.

SOME OF OUR BEST TIMES ARE AT NIGHT.  LOTS OF TIMES WE SHOULD BE SLEEPING BUT WE ARE LAUGHING AND JOKING.  IT IS SOMETHING I REALLY CHERISH.  OUR MR AND MRS FUN.

WE DID NOT HAVE THAT.   HE DIDN'T HAVE HIS WIFE EITHER.

I WAS BARELY FUNCTIONING FOR YEARS. I TRIED TO NOT THINK OF IT.  I WAS SO SICK I WAS JUST ON AUTO PILOT. 

THAT WAS HARD ON US BOTH.  WHEN THE WORST WAS OVER I WILL ADMIT I HAD A HARD TIME BEING HIS WIFE AGAIN. I DIDN'T KNOW WHO I WAS.  HE ALMOST LOST ME THEN TOO.   I NEVER LOST HIM. 

HE NEVER THOUGHT IT WAS,  NOT IF BUT WHEN,  LIKE I DID.

 I SURVIVED AND IT IS MOSTLY BEHIND ME.  I WILL ALWAYS HAVE MY BRAIN TUMOR AND WILL HAVE TO WATCH IT.  IT CAN ALWAYS START GROWING AGAIN.  I AM NO LONGER FIGHTING FOR MY  LIFE.   WE ARE US AGAIN. WE ARE HAPPIER THAN WE HAVE EVEN BEEN.  HE HAS HIS WIFE BACK.  I HAVE ME BACK.  I NO LONGER HAVE ONE FOOT OUT OF THE DOOR.  I KNOW I AM TOO HONEST. WE ALL GO THROUGH THINGS.  EVERY BAD THING IS SOMETHING TOO LEARN FROM.  THE ONLY TRAGEDY ABOUT THE AWFUL THINGS IN LIFE IS IF YOU DON'T LEARN, BUILD, AND USE IT FOR STRENGTH.

I WILL GET TO MY POINT.  I WANT EVERYONE TO SEND MARK SOME LOVE.  I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE OR IF YOU KNOW HIM OR NOT.  TELL HIM GOOD JOB.  TELL HIM HE IS WONDERFUL.  TELL HIM I APPRECIATE HIM NEVER LEAVING MY SIDE NO MATTER HOW MEAN OR UGLY OR HURTFUL.  HE NEVER LEFT.

SO PLEASE PLEASE..GIVE HIM SOME LOVE.  HE DESERVES IT.  WE ALL DESERVE IT.  NONE OF US KNOWS IF WE HAVE THE NEXT MOMENT.  SO I WANT TO MAKE ALL OF MY RIGHT NOWS COUNT.   SPREAD THE LOVE!