wriggling, & weaving trying to not fall so you don't break something. That is what I've been doing, slipping but not falling. You might pull your back but you didn't fall and crack your head open!
I need to remind myself what success means to me, not other's definition.
I need to renew my focus on my goals. I need to be more disciplined but easier and relaxed with myself.
I am having a terrible time losing weight. The harder i try the more weight i gain.
but..but...I am off my BP meds and my good cholesterol is higher. I am healthier!
I have been using "I hate hate hate being fat!" as a mantra. That is probably the most destructive thing i could do. I am changing that and use "healthy" instead. I need something short so when i go there i can snap back with something positive.
I guess to shorten this I could use this as an example for a lot of areas in my life. I will spare you the list. I have been beating myself up for my lack of big progress instead of hugging myself for making any progress. I am not a patient person and expect something better than baby steps from myself.
I almost never give up. I might slow down to regroup though. I can't remember what was going on but I always remember sitting there bawling my head off yelling, "i quit! I cant do this anymore! i quit!" I am sure there was a lot of cursing too. At the same time I was saying that I was working on whatever it was that was messing me up. I can't even quit right!
I planted a garden at the community garden. I was really tense about it for some reason. I really don't know what I am doing but it is work I like to do. I like working on something that is problem, solution, done. With a garden it is plant, water, weed, deal with bugs and hopefully you get produce. It can be hard work but not hard work. It is not brain surgery.
I still have health issues giving me hurdles. It might be a real thing I deal with but no excuse for not succeeding.
I guess I will leave it here for now. I will go find a picture to add to this and carry on. I still have more happy times than not. I tend to dwell too much on problems and not enough on the bright Love around me.
