THINGS I LEARNED BEING AN OLD MARRIED LADY

* IT IS NOT WHAT YOU DO BUT HOW YOU DO IT!

THAT WAS THE FIRST THING THAT MADE ME REALIZE I HAVE LEARNED SOMETHING BEING WITH ONE MAN SINCE NOVEMBER 1984.  DON'T ASK ME THE DAY. IT IS WRITTEN DOWN SOMEWHERE BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

OTHER THINGS ARE:

* THEY ARE PEOPLE FIRST.  YOU DO NOT OWN THEM. THEY ARE NOT  YOUR SPOUSE FIRST THEN A PERSON.   

* DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE A PERSON.  THEY ARE WHO THEY ARE. 

EVERYONE HAS A BAD SIDE.  EVERYONE SCREWS UP.  YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOVE BOTH SIDES BUT YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH BOTH SIDES.

* ARGUMENTS ARE NOT COMPETITIONS TO TRY TO WIN. 

                   THEY ARE TO TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE OTHER PERSON.  EVERYONE GETS   ANGRY AND YELLS. 

GET YOUR EGO OUT OF IT AND LISTEN.   NEVER EVER GO TO BED MAD.  YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE OKAY BUT IF THERE IS NOT AT LEAST AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE PROBLEM,  WORK IT OUT.

ACCEPT WHEN YOU MESS UP.  DON'T TRY TO PROTECT YOUR EGO. ADMIT IT.

IF THE OTHER PERSON IS WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING ABOUT YOU WAIT UNTIL THEY ARE DONE GETTING IT OUT.

  NEVER EVER TRY TO CORRECT SOMEONE IN THE MIDDLE OF A RANT.  LET THEM HAVE THERE PEACE..THEN SAY YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT..... BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT...

DO NOT SAY...YOU ARE WRONG......
 IT SHOULD BE, MY ISSUES, YOUR ISSUES, OH I UNDERSTAND NOW WE JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT A SOLUTION. 

IT IS NEVER ABOUT WINNING.  IF YOU CARE MORE ABOUT BEING RIGHT THAN BEING UNDERSTOOD YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A MISERABLE TIME OF IT.

*  YOU WILL HATE THEM AT TIMES.  IT WILL PASS IF YOU DON'T GET TOO FREAKED OUT ABOUT IT.    IF YOU HOLD ON TO BAD BAD IS WHAT YOU GET.

IF YOU DON'T ACT ON IT IT USUALLY PASSES.   IF YOU DO ALL OF THIS AND AFTER AWHILE IT DOESN'T GO AWAY WELL YOU HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS.

*  THIS ONE YOU DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE WITH.  THIS IS TRUE FOR US.                              SEX IS NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO GET A DIVORCE.  

IT IS DIFFERENT IF YOU  SETTING UP A COUPLING ON THE SIDE LIKE A GIRLFRIEND WHEN THE OTHER PERSON HAS EXPECTATIONS OF A FULL TIME DOMESTIC RELATIONSHIP.   THAT IS SOMETHING ELSE.

  AN AFFAIR THOUGH; SEX, IS NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO SPLIT.  YOUR EGO TELLS YOU THAT YOU SHOULD.  THIS IS PART OF THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THEY ARE PEOPLE FIRST.  THEY ARE NOT YOUR POSSESSION.  WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT?   THE CONTRACT THEY MADE OR THEIR HUMANITY?
    To clarify  this was not come by from experience but from thinking, what if it happened?   what is more important?   It wouldn't be fun, but life without each other would be worse.