i had a Great Christmas with Mark. sure gifts would have been nice but i do the checkbook.
there is no room for all that we need, let alone extras. i do admit we do allow ourselves small indulgences.
example, today we went to a local grocery and got a box of
chocolate from a local company. it was a little pricey but it is good chocolate so costs more, and half off.
i spent $2 on my favorite panda licorice..
and for my birthday i got a small bottle of good bourbon..sipping whiskey.
i am going to ramp up my efforts on weight loss. i was doing very well until my ghastly hysterectomy.
part of me regrets it now. sure i was bleeding like a stuck pig but... my hair is frizzy and i have gained weight. i hate being fat..and i am ..i just do not think i am a lesser person or ugly... i just hate it..besides..i don't want to die early. i remember at the time Arlo told me there were alternatives to surgery but i knew that would take time and i was suffering.
well speaking of Arlo. sometime around 2006 he said he was my guru. i am really shortening this story. i was a mess and had one foot in the grave. he saved my life. anyway about a year ago i noticed things had changed. mostly it came from me. i felt..i am not sure how to explain this..i didn't have anxiety and pain.
i was living from my heart. the things he taught me was sinking in. it is not so much as i am done learning as much as..the hard work is behind me.. so now living it
so he is not my GURU anymore but i guess more like guru...
i have graduated. he wrote me the most beautiful loving email. i only shared it with Mark and my BFF..
speaking of my best friend...i am blessed to have such a good guy in my life
he gave me a gift card for an arts store and said.. "so you can keep on creating".. what a wonderful man.
so i am going to find a way to take my weight off again. i did it once. i can do it twice.
i won't do anything i won't do all of the time. right now i am going to do as much as i can and not worry
about what i SHOULD be doing.
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